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And now, from a deep underground military base on the other side of the flat Earth, it’s time for the 7th Annual Fake News Awards!

How did the disinformation specialists of the mockingbird media lie to the public this year? What rich, creamery nothingburgers did they use to whip the public into hysteria over matters of no consequence whatsoever? And what real scandals of earthshaking importance did they ignore? And who will walk away with the most coveted Dino of them all: the Fake News Story of the Year? Find out in this face-meltingly, apocalyptically horrifying extravaganza of media mendacity known as the Fake News Awards!

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TRANSCRIPT AND SHOW NOTES:

ANNOUNCER: And now, from a deep underground military base on the other side of the flat Earth, it’s time for . . .

THE 7TH ANNUAL FAKE NEWS AWARDS

. . . featuring your host, Bent Krockman, and a special guest appearance by Jaroslav Hunka and his International Cheerleaders!

How did the disinformation specialists of the mockingbird media lie to the public this year? What rich, creamery nothingburgers did they use to whip the public into hysteria over matters of no consequence whatsoever? And what real scandals of earthshaking importance did they ignore? And who will walk away with the most coveted Dino of them all: the Fake News Story of the Year? Find out in this face-meltingly, apocalyptically horrifying extravaganza of media mendacity known as the Fake News Awards!

Brought to you by our corporate sponsors:

• Bud Light — Just forget everything that happened last year!
• McDonald’s — Come for the free meals for Zionist occupiers, stay for the free rats!
• And FTX — Matt Damon made me do it!

And now, stumbling out of the hermetically sealed tin can that we keep him in, for the first time in 364 days, heeeeeeeeere’s your host, Bent Krockman!

BENT KROCKMAN: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, non-binary transforming robots and assorted others. Welcome back!

Bent Krockman here. And let me tell you, it’s my pleasure to be here once again, dispensing these Dinos of dishonour to the remorseless regurgitators of rubbish in the lying lamestream media.

No, really, I am thrilled (thrilled, I tell you!) to be here yet again, sorting through the morass of mendacity disgorged from the mandibles of the mockingbird media over the course of the past year.

No. Listen to me. It’s not only my honour but my sacred duty, a position that I AM NOT WORTHY TO HOLD, to be the one parsing the putrid propaganda puked up by the polluted publishers of perjury with these pseudo prizes!

I can’t contain my contentment at conferring these counterfeit kudos on the cretinous curators of calumny . . .

BENT KROCKMAN *GLITCHES*

*”ALLITERATION METER” APPEARS ON SCREEN. THE BAR IS REDUCED FROM 100% to 0% and KROCKMAN IS “RELOADED”*

Phew. Thank you.

As I was saying, it’s time to give out some prizes to the biggest fake news purveyors of the year! There are five prizes to be awarded in five different fake news categories, so let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.

The first award is for . . .

FAKE JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR

. . . and the runners-up are:

— Alexandra Klausner of The New York Post and Maria Okanrende of The Daily Mail and Keira Clarke of The Sun and Steve Hopkins of JOE for, as Kit Knightly over at Off-Guardian observes, all miraculously writing the exact same anti-human “I regret having a baby I’d rather watch Netflix” story about the exact same thread by “TheBerry” from the Mumsnet internet forum—a post that would have been seen by precisely no one if it hadn’t been amplified by fake news outlet after fake news outlet around the world!

— Drew Ortiz, the fake, computer-generated Sports Illustrated correspondent who—along with several AI-generated non-reporters “writing” sponsored content for the mag—contributed chatbot-created word salad nonsense in stories like “Play Like A Pro With The Best Full-Size Volleyballs,” which contains such gems of insight as: “Volleyball can be a little tricky to get into, especially without an actual ball to practice with.”

— And “CNET Money Staff,” the byline catchall for a slew of chatbot-generated articles which not only published factually incorrect content with no editorial oversight, but also plagiarized like a drunken high school student the night before a term paper deadline.

And the winner is . . .

. . . ESPN?

What? They weren’t even nominated! You can fool the Emmys for 30 years in a row, but you can’t fool us, dammit!

Sorry about that, folks.

And the real winner is . . .

. . . the BBC’s “disinformation specialist,” Marianna Spring!

Yes, Marianna Spring, the BBC’s “specialist disinformation correspondent.”

The same Marianna Spring who was recently busted for having lied about her own work history on her CV!

That’s right, it turns out that, in 2018, before becoming the BBC’s aptly named disinfo expert, Marianna Spring submitted a resume to Coda Story, a US government-proxy NED and Soros-funded mouthpiece fake news outlet, in which she claimed to have “Reported on International News during the World Cup, specifically the perception of Russia, with BBC correspondent Sarah Rainsford.”

The only problem: it was a complete and total fabrication!

When pressed on this completely fictitious invention by Coda Story‘s editor-in-chief, Spring immediately buckled: “I’ve only bumped into Sarah whilst she’s working and chatted to her at various points, but nothing more.”

Yes, as it turns out, not only does Marianna Spring constantly peddle total propaganda nonsense about conspiracy realists at the behest of her government fake news masters, but it turns out her ENTIRE CAREER started with an outright lie! Coda Story‘s editor put it best when she rejected Spring’s application, saying: “Telling me you are a brilliant reporter who exercises integrity and honesty when you have literally demonstrated the opposite was a terrible idea.”

Indeed.

And for that unbelievably brazen act of mendacity at the start of a career in “truth-telling,” Marianna Spring wins the Fake Journalist of the Year award for 2023.

Congratulations, Marianna. This Dino’s for you!

Alright, folks: an exciting start to the show, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Let’s move on to our next Dino . . .

FAKEST GLOBAL WARMING STORY OF THE YEAR

. . . and the runners-up are:

— The World Health Organization for “Over 40 million health professionals demand bold health and climate action at COP28,” which claims that “more than 40 million health professionals” around the globe are supporting the WHO in their call to assume total dictatorial control over your body and your health in the name of saving Mother Earth (or something like that) . . . but quietly conceding in a hyperlinked footnote that the “40 million” number is complete baloney cooked up by adding all 40 million members of The International Council of Nurses and The World Medical Association without their knowledge or consent to the “thousands” of health professionals who actually actively support the climate health emergency scam.

— Bill McKibben’s Substack for “No Human Has Ever Seen it Hotter,” which begins with the claim that Monday, July 3rd, 2023, was the hottest day on planet earth in 125,000 years!!! . . . before immediately conceding that satellite temperature records only go back 50 years. Predictably, he completely failed to mention that the concept of an average global temperature is cockamamie nonsense and that the temperature records we do have are all manually “adjusted” BS.

— And German broadcaster One, which solved the problem of making people more scared of global warming by taking their once-green maps and making them fiery red (even when they are showing cooler temperatures)! Boo! Are you scared now!? If not, the fake news liars of the lying lamestream media will doubtless find ways to make the reports seem EVEN SCARIER! in 2024.

THE FAKEST GLOBAL WARMING STORY OF THE YEAR

. . . goes to . . .

. . . Hold on. Where’d the paper go?

What? My God!

Ladies and gentlemen, in a surprise twist, the Academy has determined that since basically every global warming study in the MSM is fake news, they will instead present an award for . . .

THE TRUEST GLOBAL WARMING STORY OF THE YEAR

. . . and the prize goes to Patrick T. Brown and The Free Press for “I Overhyped Climate Change to Get Published.”

Yes, in an incredibly unusual display of honesty, Patrick Brown—a PhD climate scientist and co-director of the Climate and Energy Team at The Breakthrough Institute— admitted this past September that he deliberately left out important information in his article, “Climate warming increases extreme daily wildfire growth risk in California.”

As Brown writes:

“I knew not to try to quantify key aspects other than climate change in my research because [. . .] climate science has become less about understanding the complexities of the world and more about serving as a kind of Cassandra, urgently warning the public about the dangers of climate change.”

So why did Brown feel compelled to lie by omission? Because he wanted to be published in the “prestigious” Nature journal and he knew that reducing the sum total of the complex issue of wildfires to “climate change bad” would fit the overly simplistic witch doctor morality tale about appeasing the weather gods that’s fashionable at the moment.

Hmmm. Perhaps Brown should talk to Jim Steele, the former director of the Sierra Nevada Field Campus of San Francisco State University, who detailed on The Corbett Report years ago how bad global warming “science” was actually hurting the environmental movement by ignoring the array of important cyclical events and land use issues that affect the delicate balance of natural ecosystems in favour of unfalsifiable woo-woo “Mother Gaia is angry” charlatanry.

But for more on that you can see the show notes . . .

. . . Oh, that’s right! The Fake News Awards is the only awards show you’ll ever see with show notes! Because, unlike the lying liars of the dinosaur media, I actually document what I’m saying.

But, while we’re on the topic of the pseudoscientific global warming twaddle that has been misdirecting vast swaths of humanity into the arms of a Malthusian, anti-human, technocratic agenda for decades now, it’s time to present a very special honour.

This evening the Fake News Academy is honoured to present a special . . .

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD IN FAKE NEWS

. . . to an institution that has arguably caused more pain, harm and suffering to people around the world than any other single entity in our lifetime other than government:

The $cience™!

No, no, no. Not the scientific method itself. Not the process of forwarding, testing, debating and experimentally verifying hypotheses.

Not the demonstrable technological advances that have resulted from such scientific inquiry.

Not to the spirit of free and open debate that forms the bedrock of all empirically derived knowledge about the functioning of the world around us.

No, no, no. The $cience™, a registered trademark of the AstroPfizerDernica corporation.

Yes, truly, The $cience™ (in collaboration with the World Harm Organization, the Centers for Disease Creation and Propaganda, the presumed health authorities of virtually every nation on the planet and an assortment of Bill Nye-esque and Neil deGrasse Tyson-like talking heads who break it all down into simple terms for “the little people”) has spewed more fake news and led more people into the maws of the totalitarian technocratic biosecurity state nightmare than anyone else in recent memory.

And now that we’re on the cusp of the scamdemic Disease X fake news hysteria merging with the Chicken Little climate change nonsense, it seems the future has never been brighter for those who make their paycheque by telling us to follow The $cience™ wherever it’s leading us!

And so, for that heroic effort in spreading demonstrably false information at every turn, I am honoured to present this special . . .

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD IN FAKE NEWS

. . . to The $cience™.

VOICEOVER: And now, a message from The $cience™.

*DOCTOR STANDS IN OPERATING ROOM CHECKING CLIPBOARD. LOOKS UP AS IF SEEING THE VIEWER FOR THE FIRST TIME*

OBEY: Oh, hi! I’m Dr. Obey, and you can trust me because I’m wearing a stethoscope and I have the first name “Doctor.”

We hear at The $cience™ . . .

*NOTICES BLOOD STAIN ON LAB COAT*

. . . Oh, this? Yeah, don’t worry about it.

As I was saying, we here at The $cience™ are honoured to be selected by the Fake News Academy for this LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD IN FAKE NEWS. We take pride in our centuries-long struggle to get people to do what we say simply because we say it, and we’re working on some new things that we’re really excited about.

In fact, you’re in luck. I’m just on my way to Room 101. Follow me.

*CUT TO ROOM WITH DESK. DR. OBEY COMES IN AND SITS DOWN.*

Yes, The $cience™ has been telling people what to do and making people believe whatever we want them to believe for centuries. Here, just look at this.

*SLAMS BINDER DOWN ON TABLE WITH BLOODY HAND, STARTS FLIPPING THROUGH*

This . . . this is an archive of some of our greatest campaigns.

Ah, here’s a page from Newton’s alchemical notebook. “The menstrual blood of the sordid whore.”

Phrenology.

Eugenics.

The Tuskegee Experiment.

Margaret Sanger’s campaign to exterminate the negroes.

Ah, yes. Here’s a letter from Dr. Cornelius Rhoads from when he was stationed in Puerto Rico. You do remember Cornelius Rhoads, right? He was the Rockefeller Institute researcher who spent the Second World War developing chemical weapons for the US Army and then repackaged mustard gas as “chemotherapy” to become a hero here at The $cience™.

“Dear Ferdie. [The Puerto Ricans] are beyond doubt the dirtiest, laziest, most degenerate and thievish race of men ever inhabiting this sphere. It makes you sick to inhabit the same island with them. They are even lower than Italians. What the island needs is not public health work but a tidal wave or something to totally exterminate the population. It might then be livable. I have done my best to further the process of extermination by killing off 8 and transplanting cancer into several more.”

Haha. (Real letter. Look it up.) Ah, good old Rhoadsy. It took a hell of a lot of Rockefeller PR work to get him out of that one . . . but it worked. You don’t even remember his name anymore, do ya?

And it’s not just recent history. Who could forget when we started the original masking campaign—the OG masking campaign—back in the 16th century.

PLAGUE DOCTOR: . . . Bring out your dead! . . . Bring out your dead! . . .

Hey. You. Goodman. What are you doing out and about without your mask on? You know this is for your safety and mine.

Anyway, if you don’t keep following The $cience™, you’re going to get sick. You know there’s this bad case of ill humours going around. You don’t want your humours to get all out of whack now, do ya?

Anyway . . . well, remember, take your leaches . . . and wear your plague mask–or The $cience™ will be angry.

Bring out your dead! . . . Bring out your dead! . . . Bring out your dead! . . .

Ha! That was a good one. Still, it hasn’t been nothing but success here at The $cience™. We’ve had our setbacks and our pitfalls, just like any other organization. Who could forget what happened two thousand years ago?

*ANCIENT GREECE. CROWD CHEERS AS FANFARE SOUNDS.*

HIPPOCRATES: Ladies and gentlemen, I am the great Hippocrates. And after much deep thought, I have come up with an oath.

CROWD: Tell us.

HIPPOCRATES: First: Do no harm!

*CROWD JEERS*

HIPPOCRATES: Do no harm. Don’t harm anybody!

OBEY: But two thousand years later, who’s having the last laugh now, huh, Hippocrates? Just look at Canada’s euthanasia program! Haha.

And we’re not done yet! Yes, we’ve spent the last few decades getting people to once again be afraid of angry weather gods — in the name of The $cience™, of course — and we’ve just convinced them to lock down the entire planet for something as deadly as a seasonal flu!

And wait till ya see what we do when we combine these ideas! I don’t want to give too much away, so I’ll just say: One Health.

Yes, the future is bright for the fake news pushers at The $cience™!

Oh . . . this? It’s nothin’. Don’t worry about it.

And now, to accept the award for LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN FAKE NEWS on behalf of The $cience™, here is . . . Dr. Anthony Fauci!

*A VERY FAKE ANTHONY FAUCI MAKES A VERY FAKE, CLEARLY SATIRICAL, NOT-INTENDED-TO-BE-TAKEN-SERIOUSLY NONSENSICAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH COURTESY OF DAY JOB ORCHESTRA. FEEL FREE TO SEND PLAUDITS AND PRAISE TO DJO FOR THIS MASTERFUL SATIRE BY CONTACTING dayjoborchestra [at] hotmail [dot] com* 

VOICEOVER: The $cience™ is proud to accept this award for . . .

. . . LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN FAKE NEWS.

The $cience™ . . . telling you what to do for thousands of years! Just don’t worry about the blood on our hands. It’s nothin’.

KROCKMAN: Fantastic! Thank you, The $cience™! And thank you, Dr. Fauci. I, for one, will follow you wherever you tell me to go.

I mean, really, whatever you say, I’ll do it.

Please, just don’t cut off my digital wallet. Don’t dock my social credit score. I need those CBDCs!

I’ve got things to pay for! I want to travel! I have a job. I need to keep it! PLEASE! I’LL DO ANYTHING! Just let me live my life, The $cience™.

Ahem.

Sorry about that.

Alright, folks, the time is drawing near. Do you hear that? That means we’re almost ready for the grand prize: THE FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR!

. . . but before we get there, it’s time to give out my favourite trophy, The People’s Choice Award.

THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARD FOR FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR

. . . is selected by the Corbett Report community. Corbett Report members have logged in to the site and submitted their nominations in the comments section of the announcement video for this year’s awards. A special thank you to all the Corbett Report members who literally make this show possible.

And the runners-up are:

— The CBC for “COVID-19 misinformation cost at least 2,800 lives and $300M, new report says,” a laughable “report” about a government-funded study that relies on guesswork and garbage-in-garbage-out to come up with a made-up, scary-sounding number for how many Canadians died for daring to question their political overlords during the scamdemic (all the while completely ignoring the growing body count of “died suddenlies” who continue to shuffle off this mortal coil for the mistake of actually listening to the government health overlords) [h/t Shannon Lavelle]

— Bloomberg and The Daily Fail and The BBC and seemingly every other mainstream repeater in the fake news industry for their ongoing attempts to hype the COMPLETELY FICTITIOUS, 100% ADMITTEDLY FAKE “Disease X” that the WHO made up out of whole cloth as a convenient boogeyman whose properties can be whatever the scaremongers want. Did someone say 50 million people could die of this disease that doesn’t even exist? Sure, why not! [h/t zyxzevn]

— And the Environmental Protection Agency for “EPA air monitoring has not detected any levels of health concern” in East Palestine. By invoking the specter of Fake News All-Star Christine Todd “The Ground Zero air is safe to breathe” Whitman, the EPA once again shows its fealty to The $cience™ at the expense of public health. Meanwhile, the East Palestine clean-up and the Lahaina cover-up continue to go completely unnoticed while the EPA’s media mockingbirds distract the public with a never-ending series of hobgoblins, including balloon bombings and submersible stories. [h/t Torus]

And THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARD FOR FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR goes to . . .

*DRUM ROLL*

. . . Google for “Hands-on with Gemini: Interacting with multimodal AI.” [h/t FreedomDefender]

That’s right! As it turns out, this “remarkable” demonstration of Google’s amazing AI ingenuity . . . was a complete fraud from top to bottom.

In fact, not only did viewers of the misleading video have to go to the video description to discover that . . .

“For the purposes of this demo, latency has been reduced and Gemini outputs have been shortened for brevity,”

. . . but, those viewers would have had to dig up a completely separate post on Google’s blog for the really fine print admitting that the whole thing is a lie!

Unlike what the fake video shows, the so-called “AI” was not responding to voice or video at all! Instead, it was prompted using still images and text.

When called out on this outright fraud, a Google dissembler (but I repeat myself) lamely bleated, “We made it to inspire developers.”

Of course, the fact that a fake AI story walks away with THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARD should hardly be surprising.

The years-long trend of the dying dinosaur media trying to harvest more clicks by calling anything computer-related “artificial intelligence” and hyping every potential capability of this imagined future computing technology as a world-saving advance or a world-ending threat is par for the course at this point.

We should expect plenty more such examples of outright fraud as we are subtly prepared for the “AI takeover.” Just never ask which billionaire Wizards of Oz are pulling the strings on this technology and what ghastly technocratic reality we might discover if Toto ever does actually pull back the curtain on the Big Tech scam.

But here’s the real question. Now that Adobe is patenting technology to use AI to “fight fake news,” will you even be allowed to question the veracity of these AI stories in the future?

Stay tuned to find out in 2024! . . .

But, in the meantime . . .

*DRUM ROLL*

It’s heeeeeeere . . .

THE FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR!

Will Justin Trudeau manage to retain his title as World Leader in Fake News?

Will a new challenger rise up to take his place?

What was the biggest load of horse twaddle of 2023?

Find out right after this word from our corporate sponsor!

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“The Influencer Factory! Your ticket to your 15 seconds of TikTok fame!”

KROCKMAN: Haha! Delightful. I trust the irony that at the Fake News Awards the commercials are actually true is not lost on the observant viewers out there.

*DRUM ROLL*

OK, guys, it’s time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for:

THE FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR!

There’s obviously no shortage of fake news stories to pick from—from Biden’s fake tweet about a fake letter from a fake child about a fake problem promoted by fake accounts (or was that a fake Karine Jean-Pierre tweet?)

Or there’s the CBC attempting to create a scandal around Alberta Premier Danielle Smith by “reporting” on a completely fake and made-up email that didn’t exist!

Or there’s the BBC’s pathetic apology to Nigel Farage after they published the fake news story claiming that he wasn’t debanked because of his political views, when in fact that was admittedly part of the bank’s decision!

. . . But as important as all of these stories are, they pale in comparison to the real story of 2023. No, not the scamdemic. That’s so 2020!

No, of course I’m referring to: WAR!

Yes, 2023 was the year of fake wars fought with real people for fake agendas by real enemies of humanity!

And, like every year, guess who gets to pay for these wars with our blood? That’s right: we do!

Meanwhile, these enemies of humanity ham it up at Davos and chuckle over it all at their latest globalist shindigs.

And so, this year’s FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR falls under the category of a Fake War story.

And the runners-up are:

— Vladimir Putin, for telling the world that Prigozhin blew himself up during a coke-fueled game of pass-the-grenade on his own jet, a fake news stinker so brazen that the bloated and visibly uncomfortable liar-in-chief of the Russian arm of the New World Order couldn’t even maintain eye contact with the public he was lying to.

— The Toronto Star for calling Jaroslav Hunka a man who “fought with the First Ukrainian Division in the Second World War before later immigrating to Canada” . . . rather than someone who served in the “14th Waffen-SS Grenadier Division, a voluntary unit made up mostly of ethnic Ukrainians under Nazi command.”

— The New York Times for their Gaddafi-Viagra-level fake news reporting of the October 7th false flag, including making up stories about alleged victims of rape and then systematically ignoring the Israeli police statement that there is no evidence of these crimes and even the alleged victims’ family members who claim that The New York Times simply invented the story.

— And the US Congress for (ooooops!!!) “accidentally” gifting grifter extraordinaire Zelenskyy and his merry band of UkraNazis $$$6 BILLION DOLLARS!!! in the most stunning turn of events since that bank error in your favour garnered you 200 monopoly dollars. AKSHUALLY, the fake fact checkers are here to tell you that in reality the Pentagon DIDN’T accidentally send an extra 6 billy to Ukraine. . . . In fact, they “overestimated the value” of $6.2 billion worth of military equipment that was sent to the country.

And the winner is . . .

*DRUM ROLL*

. . . it’s empty. The envelope is empty.

Oh, I get it. This is some kind of meta-commentary on the pointlessness of this fake news endeavour, isn’t it? A metaphor for the empty souls and vacant hearts of the warmongers. A reflection on . . .

*INTERRUPTED BY JIBBERISH*

What’s that?

*MORE JIBBERISH*

In my pocket?

Every year, I tell ya.

And the award for FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR goes to . . .

. . . Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for “Hamas-ISIS is sick. They turn hospitals into headquarters for their terror. We just released intelligence proving it. Here it is.“

Yes, the fact that Prime Minister Netanyahu’s digital lips were moving should have been the first sign that he was about to lay down a giant turd in the punchbowl of the October 7th false flag fallout.

But, if that wasn’t enough, then the “proof” that he offered for his claim that “Hamas-ISIS” (which isn’t a thing, by the way—and Netanyahu should know, because he helped create both!) was “turning hospitals into headquarters for their terror” should have set the blaring klaxons of alarm off even in the most gullible rubes.

Yes, this creepily silent computer-generated “intelligence-based illustration” of what NuttyYahoo and his IDF mercenaries fantasize exist underneath Al Shifa hospital is every bit as convincing as a child’s drawing of the monster that exists under his bed when mommy turns the light out at night.

And it does not cross the threshold of “proof” by any conceivable stretch of the imagination, even in NuttyYahoo’s wildest genocidal fantasies.

In fact, so scant is this supposedly smoking gun “proof,” that I have now spent longer talking about it than the video itself—so we’re watching it again and again!

Yes, this really scrapes the bottom of the barrel when it comes to fake news nonsense, doesn’t it?

And, in a highly unusual move, here to accept the award via live satellite link from DJO is Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu!

*A CLEARLY FAKE BENJAMIN NETANYAHU MAKES A TOTALLY FICTITIOUS AND UTTERLY SATIRICAL IF-YOU-TAKE-THIS-SERIOUSLY-YOU’RE-AN-IDIOT NONSENSICAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH COURTESY OF DAY JOB ORCHESTRA. FEEL FREE TO SEND PLAUDITS AND PRAISE TO DJO FOR THIS MASTERFUL SATIRE BY CONTACTING dayjoborchestra [at] hotmail [dot] com* 

*APPLAUSE*

KROCKMAN: Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister! A stirring speech, indeed, well worthy of a standing ovation! Your country must be so proud.

But, you know, come to think of it, this hospital terrorist “proof” video you tweeted about . . . it reminds me of another startling bit of “proof” we were subjected to wayyyy back in the early years of the War of Terror:

TIM RUSSERT: . . . there is constant discussion about him hiding out in caves, and I think many times the American people have a perception that it’s a little hole dug out of a side of a mountain.

 

DONALD RUMSFELD: Oh, no.

 

RUSSERT: This is it. This is a fortress! A complex, multi-tiered. Bedrooms and offices on the top, as you can see. Secret exits on the side and on the bottom. Cut deep to avoid thermal detection. A ventilation system to allow people to breathe and to carry on. The entrances large enough to drive trucks and even tanks. Even computer systems and telephone systems. It’s a very sophisticated operation.

 

RUMSFELD: Oh, you bet. This is serious business. And there’s not one of those, there are many of those!

 

SOURCE: Bin Laden’s cave according to Rumsfeld

Ahhh, that’s it! This comic book supervillain cave video tweeted out by Netanyahu has exactly as much credibility as Rumsfeld’s comic book Qaeda phantasm, which is to say none whatsoever.

And, as we saw in the ensuing weeks, this “proof” tweet was followed up by another “smoking gun” . . . pictures of a hole in the ground and a stunning video of an empty tunnel shaft underneath the hospital!

Having “secured” this “deadly” terrorist site, the Israelis then threw open the doors to the tunnel, showed the terror mastermind’s headquarters, and put all doubts to rest!

Oh, wait . . . no, they didn’t. They strictly controlled foreign media and put out staged, crafted, managed, controlled PR videos showing a single rifle and . . . GASP! . . . an MRI machine! IN A HOSPITAL!

You know your fake news story isn’t flying very well when even the lying liars at the BBC are unconvinced by your self-evident sham:

ROS ATKINS: Well, BBC Verify has been examining the different sources of information that we have on this. Israel described the Al Shifa Hospital as the main headquarters for Hamas’ terrorist activity. This IDF animation, posted in late October, claims to represent a Hamas tunnel system underneath the hospital. But having been inside Al Shifa since early Wednesday, Israel has yet to produce evidence of the tunnels. It has allowed the BBC and FOX News to film at the hospital, though only locations of Israel’s choice.

 

IDF SPOKESMAN: This is what they found.

 

ROS ATKINS: Israel also released its own seven-minute video,  which BBC verifiers analyzed. A watch, visible in that video, suggests it was filmed a few hours before the BBC arrived. And this IDF video was posted, then deleted, then re-posted—this time without a section referring to an Israeli soldier who’d been held hostage.

 

IDF SPOKESMAN: I don’t know when this was used the last time . . .

 

ROS ATKINS: Also in the video we see a room with an MRI machine.

 

IDF SPOKESMAN: . . . and if you zoom in, and we get some light over here, what you’ll be able to see is military equipment.

 

ROS ATKINS: The BBC was shown the same room, and what we see in the two videos doesn’t precisely match. For example, there’s one gun in the IDF video, two by the time of the BBC footage. Israel has told BBC Verify this is because more weaponry and terrorist assets were discovered throughout the day.

 

IDF SPOKESMAN: . . . and as always, an AK-47 . . .

 

ROS ATKINS: Israel also says this video is a single shot with no edits, but this appears to be an edit. We don’t know the reasons for that edit, nor how significant it is. The IDF, though, says suggestions it’s manipulating the media are incorrect.

 

The IDF video also shows military equipment in other locations, though we can’t verify how it came to be there. And what we see in this IDF video doesn’t equate to Israel’s description of Al Shifa as “an operational command center for Hamas.”

 

[. . .]

 

Israel is adamant this hospital was a command centre. But for now, at least, it’s either not found supporting evidence or it’s not sharing it.

 

SOURCE: BBC News November 16, 2023 6:00pm-6:31pm

KROCKMAN: Well, not exactly the scenes of lush, well-appointed and closely guarded terrorist meeting rooms envisioned in the original “proof.” Still, this was definitely proof that something involving an MRI machine happened under that hospital and, ah, did you see those empty tunnels? Well, guess what? As it turns out, the tunnels (just like Hamas itself) were actually built by the Israelis!

That’s right! Turns out ex-Israeli PM (and known Jeffrey Epstein associate) Ehud Barak said the quiet part out loud in an interview with leading fake news correspondent Christiane Amanpour.

CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR: When you say it was built by Israeli engineers, did you misspeak?

 

EHUD BARAK: No. You know, decades ago we were running the place. So we helped them . . . decades, many decades ago. Probably four decades ago that we helped them to build these bunkers in order to enable more . . . more . . . more space for the operation of the hospital within the very limited size of this compound.

 

AMANPOUR: OK. Alright. Well that’s . . . that’s . . . that’s . . . that’s sort of thrown me a little bit.

 

SOURCE: Christiane Amanpour interviews Ehud Barak on CNN

KROCKMAN: Blaaaaahhhhh—that’s all, folks! “Tha-tha-tha-that’s sort of thrown me a little bit.”

Are you getting this? Do you see how all of this works?

No, well, here’s the big capper to the big joke:

November 17, 2023: US will not share intel on Hamas and Al Shifa hospital — White House

“The United States will not share any Israeli intelligence or elaborate on its own intelligence assessment that Hamas used Gaza’s Al Shifa hospital as a command center and possibly as a storage facility, White House spokesman John Kirby said on Thursday. The United States is confident in an assessment from its own intelligence agencies on Hamas activities in the Gaza facility, Kirby said. He has refused to elaborate or provide details over the past several days.”

*KROCKMAN LAUGHS*

KROCKMAN: Hilarious! And do I even need to bother with the inevitable denoument of this twisted tale of untruth? By the end of December, even The Washington Post was forced to admit that the Israeli proof of this terror HQ under the hospital “falls short” of actual proof, raising critical questions “about whether the civilian harm caused by Israel’s military operations against the hospital—encircling, besieging and ultimately raiding the facility and the tunnel beneath it—were proportionate to the assessed threat.”

HAHA!

Do you see this? Are you laughing? Do you find this funny?

Neither do I.

Murder.

Genocide.

Bombing innocent women and children and using computer-generated fantasies about rifle-wielding MRI scanners to justify it.

Look at the faces of the innocents who died as a result of these lies and tell me the price was worth it.

Go on, Benny. I dare ya.

Madeline Albright would do it.

LESLIE STAHL: We have heard that a half-a-million children have died. I mean, that’s more children than died in Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it?

 

MADELEINE ALBRIGHT: I think this is a very hard choice, but the price . . . we think the price is worth it.

 

SOURCE: Watch: Madeleine Albright Saying Iraqi Kids’ Deaths ‘Worth It’ Resurfaces

KROCKMAN: And somehow, in the long, ignoble career of unconvicted war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu, from his NUMEC nuclear smuggling to his admissions about 9/11 to his drawn-out criminal prosecution for bribery and corruption, he has managed to find a way to sink even lower.

October 7th and the Hannibal Directive.

Beheaded babies.

An evil terrorist headquarters under a hospital.

It’s all fair game, right?

Israel’s 9/11, indeed.

I don’t expect the International Court of Justice is going to really be throwing Netanyahu or any of his buddies behind bars for their war crimes. In fact, it would only be amazing if the case even proceeds to a conclusion.

But I do know one thing: the world is awake. Just like Brzezinski warned, the global political awakening is happening. People are aware like never before that the murderous politicians and the deep state interests that they represent are liars and that the mainstream media only exists to spread fake news in service of the globalist agenda.

And I can vow that as long as there is air left in these lungs I will continue calling out these liars and their fake news lapdogs for what they are.

And I’m not the only one.

And, hey, Benny and all of the lying liars in the fake news corporate-controlled media who helped propagate this and a million other fake news stories in 2023—you know why we call them the Dinos?

Because you are the remnants of a bygone era. You’re already extinct. You just don’t know it yet.

And that’s the 7th Annual Fake News Awards, everybody!

Thanks so much for joining us for this celebration.

And remember: Stop concentrating on fake news and the fake talking heads who peddle it, and start concentrating on what you can do to make positive change in this world. That’s the ONLY way to kick these liars in the nuts.

Until next time, everybody! . . .

*MUSIC. CROWD CLAPPING, CHEERING, WHISTLING . . . SOUNDS FADE INTO THE DISTANCE*

 

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