10/7: A Conspiracy Theory

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Everything you ever wanted to know about the conspiracy theory surrounding the events of October 7 but were afraid to ask.

TRANSCRIPT

On the morning of October 7, 2023, approximately 6,000 Hamas soldiers flying paragliders and riding motorcycles skirted around the most heavily-defended security wall in the world, somehow evading the fences, observation towers, cameras, sensors, barbed-wire and remote-controlled machine guns dividing Israel and Gaza.

These 6,000 madmen (who trained for their dastardly sneak attack in full view of the IDF for months) then proceeded to roam around the Israeli countryside for hours with complete impunity, killing hundreds of Israeli civilians and (not) beheading babies and (not) raping women while IDF forces watched, because those IDF soldiers had been ordered to stand down that morning.

JIMMY DORE (QUOTING IDF SOLDIER): All stations, I don’t know why, I don’t know how. Something along those lines. No patrol on the fence.

 

SOURCE: “We Were ORDERED To Stand Down On October 7th!” -Says IDF Soldier 

Then the IDF sprung into action by implementing a policy to kill their own citizens in the event of a hostage situation.

INTERVIEWER: Was the order given to use the “Hannibal Directive”?

 

YOAV GALLANT: I think, tactically, in some places it was, in other places it was not, and that is a problem.

 

SOURCE: Yoav Gallant, Ex-Israeli War Chief, Confirms Issuing Hannibal Directive on October 7  

Luckily, the news anchors knew exactly what had happened within minutes.

RAF SANCHEZ: Now, the Israeli military says this infiltration came by land, by sea and by air in the form of Hamas gunmen on paragliders infiltrating into Israeli territory.

 

SOURCE: Full Special Report: Israel declares war after surprise Hamas attack | NBC News 

The US Senate knew within hours.

SENATOR MARSHA BLACKBURN: …And Iran is teamed up with Hamas, is what we are hearing.

 

SOURCE: This unprecedented attack on Israel by Iran-backed terrorists is heartbreaking.

And the Israeli government knew within the day,

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU: אזרחי ישראל אנחנו במלחמה לא במבצע לא בסבבים במלחמה

 

SOURCE: ‘We are at war’: Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu makes statement on Hamas attack 

But for some reason a bunch of crazy conspiracy theorists began to ask questions about the most startling security failure in the history of the most heavily-defended border in the world.

MARTIN FLETCHER: The idea that Hamas could infiltrate about 20 communities inside of Israel and attack without—

 

LINDSEY REISER: Simultaneously!

 

FLETCHER: —without any immediate response from Israel is extraordinary.

 

REISER: It is absolutely extraordinary.

 

SOURCE: Yasmin Vossoughian Reports MSNBC October 7, 2023 11:00am-12:01pm PDT

Those conspiracy theorists dared to ask why the border guards were told to stand down that morning, why Unit 8200 provided no geolocation data to security forces despite Hamas fighters using phones and radios inside Israel for hours, why the IDF ignored alerts of Hamas aerial activity hours before the attack took place and why the prime minister, defence minister and IDF chief didn’t even speak with each other until four hours into the crisis…

…but they’re just anti-Semitic loons, so they would ask those questions.

Even so, the IDF provided answers to all the hard questions in their comprehensive after-action report concluding that the Israeli army had “failed in its mission to protect Israeli civilians” because no one could have predicted “Hamas’s intentions and readiness for a wide-scale surprise attack”…

…except for the Egyptian government, Israeli military intelligence and the IDF’s own Border Defense Corps.

The Northern Brigade and Gaza Division had no coordination with the police and the IDF didn’t even know the Nova music festival was under attack for three hours, but that’s OK because they were probably all trying their best.

The police documents about the security for the Nova music festival were deleted by unknown individuals months after the attacks, but that’s OK because it’s probably just part of routine record keeping.

A Columbia Law School paper found “traders informed about the coming attacks profited from these tragic events,” but the original paper made a currency error that didn’t affect the conclusion so there’s probably nothing to see here.

This man never existed, nor is anything he had to say worthy of your attention, and if you say otherwise you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist and deserve to be shunned by all of humanity. Likewise him, him, him, and her. (and her and her and him).

After the dust settled, we were reliably informed that, “Like [the false flag events of] December 7, 1941, and [the false flag events] of September 11, 2001, October 7 is a day that will forever live in infamy.”

As a result, the Israeli forces made up for their error by gently and proportionately leveling Gaza, killing 75,000 civilians, blockading humanitarian aid, massacring people begging for food, telling people to move to areas that were then bombed, bombing hospitals that Hamas fighters were (not) occupying and destroying the vast underground Hamas supervillain bunker that didn’t exist.

This is the story of 10/7, brought to you by the same media which told you the hard truths about the best Biden ever and two weeks to flatten the curve and AI-generated rat penises and the USS Liberty.

If you have any questions about this story…you are a terror-loving, anti-Semitic libtard who deserves to be deported regardless of citizenship status. If you love the government of Israel and/or peace, tranquility, cooperation, fresh bagels and this adorable baby, you will never ever express doubts about any part of this story to anyone. Ever.

This has been a public service announcement by: the Friends of the IDF, the Epstein Influence Network, AIPAC, the ADL, the Israeli Government Spokespeople in the Media and the Likudniks. Because Ignorance is Strength!